Jacqueline (NerdMom)

As a parent, one of our long-term goals is to see our children become self-sufficient. I would love to achieve this by the time they reach high school, so they can test out their adult skills before fully embarking on adulthood. But how do we bridge the gap between a toddler and a responsible young person? It’s not an overnight process, but with consistent guidance and structure, we can help them grow.

Here are some effective steps you can take:

Identify Age-Appropriate Chores: Start by selecting three chores or responsibilities that are suitable for your child’s age and abilities. These tasks should be manageable but still contribute to the overall well-being of the family. They can be anything that is age-appropriate, no matter how small. It can start with something as simple as folding washcloths for preschoolers.

Implement a Reward System: Introduce a reward system to motivate your child. The reward doesn’t necessarily have to be monetary; it could be a special privilege, a trip to the movies, or something they have been wanting. Here is a structured approach to the reward system:

Determine a specific time frame, such as one month.

Choose a reward that your child will find motivating.

Decide on the number of required positive actions (e.g., completing chores without being reminded).

Visual Aids for Progress: Create a daily chart to help your child track their progress. You can find many templates online, or even get creative and make one together.  Visual aids like charts can help children understand their progress and stay motivated. 

Set Clear Expectations: Demonstrate each chore exactly how you expect it to be done. Be thorough in your instructions and provide feedback as needed. 

Consistency is Key: After implementing the new chores and reward system, stick to it for at least a month. This allows children to understand the expectations and helps to establish a new routine. 

Gradual Increase in Responsibility: Once the initial three chores become a part of your child’s routine, it’s time to up the ante.  Add three new chores and continue the process of growth and reward.

By following these steps, you can help your child develop a sense of responsibility and pride in their accomplishments. Moreover, as they learn to take on tasks, the load on you will lighten, creating a more balanced and harmonious home environment.

Let’s face it; goals are not magically met, and plans don’t just happen. We, as parents and educators, need to guide our children in learning how to set objectives and work towards them systematically. This skill is invaluable not only during the summer but throughout their entire lives. It might even save them years of frustration and help them achieve things they never thought possible.

Step 1: Identifying the Goal
Let’s start with an example. Imagine your child has a goal of learning to swim. This is a common summer aspiration, but it’s not something that can be achieved overnight. Start by helping your child identify this specific goal.

Sit down with your child and have them express their interest in learning to swim. Discuss the reasons behind this goal and why they want to achieve it. This step is crucial because it helps the child understand their motivation and commitment to the task.
Step 2: Outline the Goal
Once the goal is identified, the next step is to outline it clearly. Let’s take swimming as an example. The outline could look something like this:

Learning basic water safety skills: This includes getting comfortable in the water, blowing bubbles, and learning how to float.
Mastering the kicking motion: Learning how to kick properly while submerged.
Developing arm movements: Practicing different arm strokes and coordinating them with breathing.
Step 3: Breaking Down the Steps
After outlining the goal, it’s essential to break it down into smaller, manageable steps. This is where the real magic happens. Teaching your child to identify and break down the steps they need to take will help them understand the process better and build confidence in their ability to achieve their goal.

For learning to swim, each of the outlined steps could be further broken down into daily or weekly tasks. For example, practicing blowing bubbles for 10 minutes a day, or doing kicking exercises for a set number of repetitions.
Conclusion
By guiding your children through this process, you’re not only helping them achieve their summer goals but also teaching them valuable life skills. The skills of goal-setting, breaking down tasks, and managing progress are essential for success in all areas of life. So, this summer, let’s not just watch our children’s dreams float away, but help them learn to swim towards those dreams and make them a reality.

Remember, the process may take time and effort, but the sense of accomplishment they will feel is truly priceless.

“I don’t know what to play with.” Admit it, you have heard that from your kids. I think it drives every parent crazy, but especially here in the United States where we know that our kids have and do so much! An “I’m bored” in my house is often met with a response about how I always have baseboards that need cleaning. But being over whelmed with toys is not necessarily a problem that just comes from ungrateful children. They really can have so much available to them that they don’t know how to focus or how to clean up. How many times have you found your kid in a trashed room of toys with them walking around aimlessly? Come on, I can’t be the only one;).  But it doesn’t have to be that way.  How I have always gone about my kids and toys is like toy rotation. But less of hiding things away and more about being intentional. 

So lets take an infant. You put them in a play pen full of toys and walk away. They sit in the middle and fuss or cry, right? You wonder why they don’t just pick up a toy and start playing, right? Well, if you sit them in an empty play pen and hand them 1 or maybe 2 toys they are less likely to fuss. Seriously. I heard about this in a Babywise or Growing Kids God’s Way tape before I had any kids. I remember having this frustration with my siblings when they were little. So I had kids… I experimented on them. Yes really, I am that person. But I wanted to know if it was a fluke or actually a thing. And it seemed to be a thing. 

This method is also considered really good for development. I mean if you think about it, you are giving them 1 thing to focus on. That means they really figure out everything they can do with it. If they can do something else with it. And it teaches them how to focus and work something out to its end. I know, it sounds way to deep for an infant. So lets jump ahead to that 3-10 age. 

As part of our day, since the kids were mobile, we have always had some “go away from me and play” time every day that we are home. So you send a kid off to play, or a group of kids as it is in my house, and they can’t settle on what to do. They flit from thing to thing or can’t agree on anything! So I would always say, “Go play in the kids’ room. You can play with this or this. Which one do you guys want to do?” They tell me their choice and go play. No fighting and no whining. And of course at these ages I am not going to hand them one single rattle but a theme. They pick a set like the kitchen set, Lincoln Logs, Legos, or dolls. Often we would also get 2 who play with one thing and 2 who would play with the other. 

Sometimes they will stick with these things for an hour or a week so they really get a chance to delve in to a project. Here is the other secret power of this. You can always make 1 of the suggestions something they don’t play with often. It can help them rediscover a hidden gem. It also can be a way to discover when something can move on to a home that wants it more. 

When my kids ranged from 8-14, they do this to themselves. If they are heading off to play they will say, “I am going in the game room to play…” Not so much to ask permission but to let me know that they are getting into an activity and to let their siblings know in case they want to join. 

That is it, really. That is my secret to kids playing and learning to focus. When you hear it, it sounds so simple. Yet, if you have never seen it modeled you may never have tried it. Try it out with your kids! Let me know how it works for you.